Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Found your dick twin last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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