dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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