If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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