dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
