dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
