she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
