So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
