you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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