A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
