I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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