So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
