it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
