imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
