he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
