Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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