I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
its liver damage thursday
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
