I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
