my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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