I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
