Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
