If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The struggles of a small town man whore
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
