No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
