I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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