i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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