I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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