just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
