I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
