white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
