He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
