I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
