You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
