I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
