if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
