Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
