Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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