If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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