i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
