Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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