I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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