I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
