The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
