When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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