i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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