Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
