I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
