I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You need a sexual gate keeper
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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