Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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