even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
