I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
