when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
