Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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