You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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